I Have No Idea What Day It Is

1.  Since quitting my regular job two weeks  ago, I honestly have no idea what day it is.  Or what the date is.  Or what time it is.  Unless it's 3pm because Ellen comes on at 3.  Time means absolutely NOTHING to me and I love it.  At least until I found out that today is already February 10th.  Um, what?  Where did the 1st-9th go??

2.  And speaking of quitting my job, the number one thing that I don't miss?  Answering the phone.  Now I don't even have to look at the phone.  Not even my cell phone if I don't want to.  I have a phone phobia, in case you're wondering.  Don't ask me why.  The other thing I don't miss?  Any kind of supposed work-place drama and making copies for other people.  Even if I am a really, really good copy girl.

3.  I always feel super smug when I go to the post office and am able to use the self-service package sender rather than stand in the 20-person-long-line.  Why is there always a line at the post office anyway? 

4.  Carolyn's bottom two teeth continue to make progress.  Except she doesn't want you to see or feel the progress.  If you try to pull her lip down to see, she sticks her tongue out over the top of her teeth.  If you try to put your finger in there to feel, she bites down on it.  You basically have two people - one to hold her down, and the other to pry her mouth open.  And then she screams bloody murder.  And it's awesome.

5.  I totally had my beard threaded yesterday.  For all of those of you who go to salons for waxing (eyebrows, mustaches, beards, etc), think about switching to threading.  It doesn't hurt, it's better for your skin, and it makes a really cool noise as the tech is ripping your hair out.

6.  I think it's really funny that they call Blake Griffin "The Auburn Mamba".  Who comes up with these things?

7.  I was trying to find some long-sleeved onesies for Carolyn the other day only to find that after the 6-9 month size, there are very few onesies in the next size - let alone those with long sleeves.  Apparently after you hit 9 months, you have to wear "real" clothes.  And life just goes downhill from there.  Oh, and just as a side note, I love the Glee-esque check-out guy at Kohl's who informed me that I'd "like totally gotten such, like a good deal".  Thanks, dude.

8.  Why is Kim Kardashian famous?  I mean, what did she do to get famous?  How can she make so much money when she does nothing?  And to Lindsay Lohan, I hope they throw the book at you.  I hope they throw you in jail so you can finally get over your addictions and maybe have a chance to get yourself right again.  Oh, and dye your hair back to your natural color, please.  That blond washes you out.  And makes you look like a hooker.

9.  We finally found a food Carolyn doesn't like.  Whole wheat cereal.  She gives you this look like, "why have you betrayed me?" Then, she spits it out, sticks her hands in it, and rubs it all over her pants and socks.  I'm thinking about doing the same thing with brusselsprouts.  I have no idea how to spell brusslesprouts.  And I'm ok with that, because they're GA-ROW-S.

10.  I'm going to have to drop out of the Rush the Gush 5K since I now work every Saturday (and make half my money for the week then).  I'm pretty sad about dropping out, but not really sad because my training has been sporadic at best.  Ok, that's a lie.  It's been non-existent.  My excuse is that I don't have a gym membership and it's too cold to exercise outside.  Did I just say it's too cold??  I'm getting soft in my old age.