We blessed Carolyn at church yesterday.
As I watched Nick carry her to the front of the chapel, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.
Because even though I'm very grateful for the men who were there in the circle, I was sad that not one of them was a family member.
No grandpas.
No uncles.
No father's, brother's, second cousin's former roommate.
I almost started to cry until it occurred to me that maybe you were there.
I looked for you, but didn't see you.
I started thinking that maybe if I were more righteous, I might have been able to.
Then I thought of the front row - full of people who love us, who live in Heaven with you.
Carolyn the Elder.
Patsy.
And it made me happy.
When we got home, Nick was calming Carolyn down when he looked at me and said, "Baby, you know, I think there was family there today."
I said, "DID YOU SEE THEM??"
"No, I'm just telling you what I felt."
And we cried just a little bit together (although, I think if you asked him, he'd just say his eyes were watering).
So, while I wish you could have been there in the flesh, I'm glad that I believe you exist after death. And that you are still able to participate in our lives. And that your body doesn't slow you down now.
Missing you.
Love,
2 comments:
i would call you but i can't speak through the tears. what i would say is that i know mother was there. nothing did she want more than for you & nick to have children. to bring them up in the church and teach them to love God. i know she witnessed you doing just that.
Wish we could have been there! I guess one thing about being on the other side is that they can travel a lot easier and cheaper than we can.
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