I know I'm going to get in trouble for saying this, but...
Today I went to a meeting for the La Leche League.
There were only four of us, meaning the ability to run through each of our problems.
I talked about mine - weight gain, weight loss, breast feeding, supplementing, pumping, latching, sleeping, bleeding nipples, etc.
As I neared the end, I looked up to find the La Leche leader looking at me like I was the devil incarnate.
She acted like because I am supplementing, I am wrong.
After ruling out all of the obvious answers and problems, she started making suggestions:
1. Find a chiropractor who specializes in babies
2. Have my baby checked for neurological disorders
3. Take herbal supplements to increase my milk supply
Bless her heart, I know she was trying to help, but it was discouraging. I was hoping to find a little more inspiration. A little more understanding. Some answers.
Instead I came away feeling worse for the decisions I've made. And even more unsure of the ones to make in the future.
11 comments:
Erin,
Don't worry about what others think about supplementing! With my first I went and met with the lactation specialist 2-3 times a week for about 3 weeks. I tried the herbal supplements. I tried pumping every 3 hours. I had a thyroid test done. I tried so many things and just got more and more discouraged. Then, I realized how lucky I am to live in a time when formula is readily available to help my baby thrive. The bottom line was my body was not producing enough milk. I never did find out why, but I stopped feeling like a failure and realized supplementing is fine. My baby grew up to be very smart - didn't hurt his brain development one little bit! He was sick a few times, but what baby isn't? And even better, because he took a bottle he slept better and I could leave him with his daddy, and even (gasp) a babysitter. Don't worry about what anyone else says. Do what you need to do and be glad for that. Believe me, I know it is frustrating, but part of the reason it is so very frustrating is that everyone thinks you should be doing things a specific way. Sometimes, for one reason or another, you can't, and it is nobody else's business! Now I will get down off of my high horse and tell you how cute your baby is! I am sure you are doing a great job. Keep up the good work.
That is NOT the way LLL is supposed to work. I am SO sorry!!!
I know you don't know me, and I'm no expert, but feel free to email me and I'll email back my number.
That LLL leader is a turd.
www.becky.swain@yahoo.com
The doctors and the NICU nurses made me feel guilty for choosing to switch to formula when my triplets came home. Don't let other peoples' phobias of formula make you question your decision. Baby gaining weight=happy baby=happy mom. Do what you need to do to maintain your sanity.
Oh my goodness, how frustrating! Of course breastfeeding is your goal, but sometimes it just doesn't work the way you'd hope! You are not a failure for needing to supplement. You do the best you can and do what is right for you and your baby. Forget them! Breastfeed as much as you can, and then supplement as needed. As she grows older, she may only want your milk (which may be more readily available) or only want the formula or a mixture of both. Don't give up on yourself, but don't be hard on yourself either. You are doing just fine, regardless of how others do things or how they treat you. Everyone is different and does things differently.
Erin, I'm so sorry. But, I've heard before that La Leche can be a bit intense. Maybe calling the lactation specialist at the hospital would be better? Even more, trust your doctor. Dr. Kayani is AMAZING and she will tell you what to do. She wouldn't tell you to supplement unless you needed to supplement. And, she will let you know when or how or what to do after that. So, don't worry. You're in good hands.
PS - If you ever want to cry about wonky boobs, come on over! I totally get breastfeeding woes.
You know, it's not your fault your body isn't producing enough milk. I think when you've been through the trauma of a c-section, your body has to dedicate some energy to healing itself. I know it's probably a pain to nurse and then bottle feed. No one would think any less of you if you decided to switch to formula. Of course, it is possible to build up your milk supply. Supply is something that's constantly in flux, depending on what your baby is taking. It's not easy, though. You have to be willing to nurse more often, and so does your baby, for that matter. You might want to research that before you make a decision on what to do. It's possible that it will be easier once your body gets back to normal. Ian was finished nursing at 7 months, and had formula until he was one. My pump wasn't good enough to keep my milk supply up. Granted, I didn't really like paying for formula, and he didn't need the most expensive "specially formulated" formula, thank goodness, but I don't think he's permanently marred. Ask Heather Staten about this, because I know she struggled with low milk supply, and she got some really good pointers from her doc.
Hi, um, I've been following your blog for a little while now, and just want to say you sound like you're doing an okay job with your (very adorable) baby.
I'm an Australian, and this is an Australian Government site (set up to help people with questions about raising kids 0-8), but I was thinking maybe it might be a good resource to help you with some of your questions?
Also, I found A Guide to New Parents. Hopefully it will help a little.
That La Leche woman sounds horrible.
Remember, you are a good Mum. No mind what anyone else says. So long as you talk when you're having issues and not bottle them up, you'll be awesome. <3
I supplemented with formula the day Landon was born. I never made enough milk for him to be full. Around 10 months, I completely stopped nursing. To me nursing was never really a bonding time. Feeding him a bottle was just the same. I also liked having bottles around so that Aaron could have his turn on feeding him.
There are lots of people around who will critize your decision. I know several women at church are "breastfeeding nazis". Just be prepared to hear their comments as well. I ignored all of them. Its a personal decision on what you decide to do.
Erin, it sounds like you're working SO hard for your baby and that's great! I'm a La Leche League Leader myself, so I was sad to hear you left the meeting feeling bad. I hope it was a misunderstanding or a bad day for the Leader, but it's possible that my hopes aren't true and she didn't listen and respond as you needed her to or that she really did treat you poorly and have negative thoughts. I'm sorry. I'd like to ask that you try LLL again, maybe with a different Leader or a different LLL Group. Leaders are individuals and although I like to think all of us are open and understanding, there are thousands of us around the world and sometimes we're not all the best fit. If you were in Michigan I'd love to have you visit me!
The Number 1 rule is to feed the baby, and sometimes that means supplementation. One thing to consider with supplementation (and please forgive me if you already know this!) is that our bodies make milk on a supply-and-demand basis. The more the baby takes in, the more we produce. You did mention pumping though, so it's quite possible that you are well aware of this and handling it by pumping more frequently than the baby is supplemented in order to maintain your supply. If so, great! This is the only post of yours I've read so of course I don't know the whole story.
Is there anything I can do to help? If so, my email is LLLSue@stuever.us.
So I have wanted to confess that I stalk your blog for just about forever! but I always thought you would immediately make your blog private. Now that I see I am not alone :) here I go (and if I come back to your blog being private tomorrow, I am going to be totally depressed...even though mine is private :)
I did not have the breastfeeding woes you are having, but I had trouble at the beginning and the best thing my mom (who could have been the president of La Leche, she is so pro-nursing) said to me was "It is okay if you don't nurse. Everything will be alright." Coming from my mom, who I had assumed I would totally fail if I could not nurse, it took off so much pressure. I ended up nursing successfully, and LOVING it, but she is right, it's okay if you don't nurse! Just from my 4 days of nursing woes, I can not imagine how people go for weeks trying to make it work.
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