Happy St. Paddy's Day! I'm wearing my green - a green shirt and brown pants. I kind of look like a Christmas tree. Or an inverted pear.
My dad, who served his mission in Scotland, always wore orange on St. Paddy's Day. This always greatly confused me when I was young.
Anyway, as someone who actually knows an Irish person, I figure I'm pretty much the expert on St. Paddy's Day. For instance, one time I said something to Grainne about a four-leaf clover and she shouted, "Clovers are nothing but weeds! You want to talk about shamrocks."
I thought they were the same thing - a mistake I'll never make again.
I would also like to point out that my name, Erin, means "Ireland". Around St. Paddy's Day they always had a giant, sparkly, green "Erin Go Bragh" sign up at the Albertson's grocery store where we shopped. That made me think St. Paddy's Day was a holiday especially for me. We all know that I'm a huge fan of anything that celebrates me.
To celebrate St. Paddy's Day, I think everyone should tell me about their worst/funniest date ever (set-up or otherwise). Melissa Kenney, you should feel free to share more than one.
This is mostly because I'm trying to convince my cousin to go out with this weirdo guy just so I can have a funny story to tell (I would go out with him myself but I fear Husband would frown on that). And also so I can laugh at all of you who've been out on worse dates than me.
10 comments:
Umm... worst date was in high school. It was one of those girls-ask-guys dances and all my friends convinced me to ask this (totally brother vibe) guy-friend of ours so that the dance wouldn't have "lovey dovey drama" and we could all have fun. I agreed. I thought that was what I was signing up for. EXCEPT, turns out the dude had a crush on me and thought that my asking him out was a signal. Anywho, I was oblivious the whole dance and when it was over, he asked to take me home... alone... I was so naive that I agreed. My first sign something was up was when he put a perverted Jimmy Buffet song on (called Lets Get Drunk and ...) repeat and started singing it to me. Umm... what? My second sign was when he passed my house and drove me to a secluded park. Enter panic attack. I started crying hysterically, thinking that a crime was about to be committed. He started freaking out because he felt he'd been led to believe I liked him. We had a huge fight in the middle of the night at the edge of pond and I attempted to walk home in my dancin' shoes. It was just one hugely catastrophic date. After about a year of awkwardness, we finally became STRICTLY platonic friends again and I finally had the opportunity to tell him that his "moves" were slightly "kidnapper-ish" and he would never have a girlfriend if he kept serenading them with perverted songs.
I also went to a dance with a boy who later turned out to be gay.
So, yeah... I suppose that the bottom line is that high school dances were nightmares for me. All of them.
I don't know that I have ever had a "bad" date. This last round that I was living in TX though, my roommate was having some issues with guys. There was this one particular guy who she had dated in the past and had no interest in but he would continue to come around every once in a while just to check. He called her up one day and was like, "Hey! I was just wondering if you wanted to go on a date this weekend?" Mind you, it is like Tuesday or something when he calls. She turns around and calls me to see if Garon and I would double with her because she doesn't want to go alone with him, no biggie.
So called guy calls back Friday and starts asking what the plans were and what was going to be going on for the date?!? Roommate got really quiet and then said, you are the one that asked me on the date, don't you have anything? Needless to say, he turned the date back over to her to plan and we end up throwing stuff together last minute (like the date was that night). Roommate calls me at work and we set up plans to do homemade pizzas, went bowling, got ice cream, and went back to the house to play cranium.
It wasn't a bad date but it sure was a pain. If a person ask you on a date, that person should have something planned. Just saying! :)
My mom's golf friend set me up with this guy when I was like 22. He was 36. First conversation he told me that he had to work nights because he had a TON of debt.
Then we went to a classic movie thing and we saw Manchurian Canidate because he said it was his favorite movie. I asked him afterwards why it was his favorite and he said, "well it reminds me of when I was on trial for rape." I don't really know what he said after that. For some reason I got stuck on the phrase on trial... Not accused on trial. That was probably the worst.
I also went out with this guy and we were stuck up in Park City at a concert. He yelled at a small child and then he yelled at me for telling him that the traffic was bad.
Oh and I also went out with this guy and we had a date downtown and he parked in a pay lot. When it was time to pay he wanted to pay with a check, but they told him no. I offered the $20 bill I had to pay for the $5 parking. He kept my change. When he called and asked me out again. I was forced to tell him no because "you kept my change!"
Ok I probably have more which is why I am still single, but that is it for now. :)
Worst date ever in the Life of Emily:
This particular individual had just moved into the area. I found him a little weird, but pretty fun to talk to, so I didn't really think much of it. We went on a first date to a movie, and we had a really good time! It was super chill, just the movie, and then he dropped me off at a friend's house for the night. About a week later he manipulated his way into my car for a drive over to FHE in Vidor. He casually mentioned that he was interested in going to a certain play the next weekend, and if I wanted to come along I was certainly welcome. I hesitated on my answer, so then he just asked me outright (which should have been his first move...). My dating reflex immediately said, "Yes! Of course I'd love to go!"
That was when my stomach ache started. That was also the night that I noticed that I was weirded out by him.
My nausea either indicated excitement or dread. My mom decided it was love.
Um, no?
So date day comes around. By then I was pretty certain that my nausea meant I didn't want to go. Prince Charming (PC) had already given me the assignment to choose our restaurant since he wasn't familiar with the area at all. He also mentioned that it needed to be cheap, because he didn't like to spend money. Emily's ego was a little hurt.
Emily's ego picked an expensive restaurant.
After we ate (amid awkward conversations about Cajun food and ugly cars), we began our drive down to the theater. For some reason PC got lost trying to park the car. I'm not sure how, because the theater and parking lot take up one block. You pretty much have to drive down the street, close your eyes, and turn in 5 circles to not know which direction to go.
After circling the block a couple hundred times, we finally parked. Oh! By this point I was really annoyed. PC really isn't all that charming, and I was still irritated that he had insisted that I find a CHEAP restaurant. Butthead.
I was tuned out to his mindless ramblings, and was so caught up inside my own head that I forgot I wasn't alone. So I belched like a man (boudain just gets to me like that, ok?). PC did not looked pleased at all. I wasn't either, until I remembered that I was having a miserable time, and with any luck had just discouraged the asking of anymore dates. I stopped feeling bad about the burp and instead became annoyed that he was so uncool about it.
While sitting in the theater, he began The Stretch. His arms went waaaay up high in the air, and seemed to freeze there. I panicked, because I had the feeling I was about to have one of those arms (the closest one..of course) draped around my shoulders.
Over my dead body.
Not wanting to kill myself, I giggled involuntarily when it really counted, and his arms went fumbling back into his lap. I kept my arms and legs crossed for the duration of the production.
Fast forward to the end--he brought me to my house, delivered me inside, and my father..........being the.....sweety that he is, proceeded to chat with PC for about an hour. Dad sat in his throne, PC sat on a couch, and I--making my opinion perfectly clear (or so I thought)--sat closer to the dining room table than the living room area on a hard wooden dining chair. I thought their conversation would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever end. They talked about engineering the WHOLE time. Could you exclude me more, please?
The next day I ended up driving all the late-comers to the temple trip carpool in my car: Prince Charming, Other Guy (OG; a guy I was VERY interested in), and OG's roommate. It was VERY clear to everybody that Other Guy and I were fast on the way to becoming a Thing. That didn't stop PC from interrupting all of our conversations. Or stepping in between us and taking me by the arm to another area of the garden to talk--never mind that I was mid-conversation with OG. Or just constantly standing RIGHT THERE in our armpits when I was trying to flirt with OG.
That was the longest write-up of all time, sorry! This date hold distinction as the worst for the following reasons:
1) I didn't really want this to happen
2) I really liked another guy
3) I felt like the date never ended, as he continued to be obnoxious well into the next day.
I can't wait until I am married and never HAVE to speak to single people (guys!) ever again.
Hmmm worst date? Okay can I just tell you about weird creepy guys who I've gone on date with or ones who I just turned down and they didn't get the hint? I will start from the earliest and will go on until the latest...
1. Dan (February 4th, 1997): I know the exact date because this is my 16th birthday. Imagine being a sophomore, in an advanced English class full of Juniors and Seniors. And picture me- tall, awkward, shy... and it is my 16th birthday. I get 6 long stem roses from my mom. YAY! and about 20 minute later another 3 show up. Who are these from, I wonder? I open the card and die. They are from Dan, a 5'3" hardcore geek who taught me how to use the internet. Now the geekdom didn't weird me out- but the 5'3" awkward weirdo vibe did. Did I mention that there was a Beanie Baby named Valentino in with the flowers? Anyways, he asked me on a date- where I would have to drive because he was 15. AND for me to be his girlfriend. I turned him down.
And then for the next 2 1/2 years left of my high school career, Dan stalked me. Not kidding. He would stand at the end of the hall and stare at me (I could see him in my mirror), he would call my house and hang up, he would send inappropriate emails to me, he would bother my friends about what I was doing, he joined classes and clubs because I was in them... It was horrible. I still keep my information private so he can't find me. But I know where he is.
2. Kerry: He was a shot put and discus thrower. He had a crush on me and decided to tell me at my Junior year homecoming. He was also drunk and handsy and ummm how do I say this- well use your imagination. It was horrible and I remember throwing up a little in my mouth when I finally escaped his clinging clutches. And then I laughed in the bathroom until tears were poring out of my eyes. Poor high school boys and puberty. He also stalked me for a year until he graduated. Not as creepy as Dan but the constant "be my girlfriend" and calling my house or coming to where I worked got old.
3. Jason- Jason was late into my Junior year. He had a crush on me and asked me out on a legit date. I was too nice to say no. We went to the Wedding Singer, which I hate to this day. Jason only talked about cars. He also wanted to argue with me about GM versus Ford (like I care) because his dad worked at Ford and my dad worked at GM (I'm from Michigan). Anyways- the date went on and on and on- and he drove, so I was trapped. On the way home he thought it would be super fun to drive like an idiot and in doing so, scared the crap out of me. By the time I got home, I just wanted him to leave- but he insisted on walking me to the door. That's when he asked me to prom. I didn't have a date, but you bet I didn't say yes. I was super nice about it- it was horrible. He knew I didn't have a date and I turned him down. But on the bright side- I was asked by the guy I was totally in love with a week later (thank god) because I was determined to stay home before I went with Jason.
Yeah so I wasn't done:
4. Rudolfo (BYU) This kid wore a gold CTR ring. And only talked about his ugly imported italian car. He even had pictures of it on his dorm room wall. He seemed to think that even though I had a boyfriend at home and he had a girlfriend at home, that we could totally get it on. I went on several dates with him (I was bored and his fashion designer daddy gave him a very charitable allowance- that makes me sound horrible...) but whatever. Anyways, when I tried to break it off with him (because he too was getting a little too handsy) he proceeded to follow me around campus and while I went out with my friends. He finally got the hint after he followed me to a dance up at thanksgiving point and I held onto one of my guys friend's hands all night. All Rudolfo talked about was money and his car.
5. Geoff. Geoff thought it was funny to pick me up and toss me around. I like my personal space. I am also not small (5'9" tall and anywhere between 135 and 160 pounds)... we would be walking and he would just turn, grab my waist and throw me over his shoulder. he also thought it was cute to hacky-sack my butt while walking. I mean that literally- using his feet to whack my butt. Yeah I know WTF?
Okay I think I am done- although Rod was a douche as well. Thank god I ended up with my Adam (who I was dating when Rudolfo, Geoff and Rod happened)... Ugh- so glad I am married.
Erin,
Just for you I'll list the most ridiculous... Just from this past year.... In no particular order:
1- The Biter. Yep. just kept on biting. He said girls like vampires...
2- The guy that took ALL his clothes off during our make-out.... Um. HELLO?!?!?!
3- The guy that wouldn't leave my house until I kissed him... He out weighed my by 100 lbs. I gave in.
4- The 19 yr old that thought he could transform me into a Cougar...
5- And last but not least... My neighbor, never actually dated him, but he wanted to "welcome me to the neighborhood"... And be my make-out buddy, or just have me be his booty call for the nights he couldn't get a drunk girl to sleep w him.
Oh... Ps. Just be one HAPPY lady you are in the realm of Marriagedom. You will never have to meet, date, talk about ridiculous topics, or feign interest in all these Crazy people!!! I was going to write the next big TV sitcom, just from my own experiences!
Holy crap, Becca, I laughed and laughed at "the shorter, weird vibe". My funniest date ever includes a boy who was shorter than me. I know. I'm 5'3". Who even knew there were boys shorter than that who aren't in the Guiness Book of World Records?
And Jen, The Biter and The Cougar Transformer? Where on earth do you find these guys?? I'm sorry, but your pain has just caused me great joy and gladness.
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