The Baby (Vomit) Chronicles

1.  Husband and I visited Judy Lummus, our tax preparer this weekend.  We had to wait an hour and a half to get in to see her (which is better than the 3.5 hour wait last year), but she's totally worth it.  I had to wait out in the car until it was time to sign my John Hancock because she's also a chain smoker and if you so much as enter her building, you come out smelling like a bar. Plus, I didn't really want The Lentil to get lung cancer while still in the womb. The best news of all is that compliments of Barack Obama, we got an extra $800 back due to the fact that Husband and I both have jobs.  I'm wondering how much those without jobs got.

2.  We go to the doctor tomorrow for THE ultrasound.  Everyone keeps asking me what I want.  I tell them I don't care, as long as the baby's healthy.  What I really want to do is say something shocking.  Like, "Oh, as long as the baby's healthy...and a bona fide genius...and a football star...and ridiculously good looking, I really don't care...but if not, we're sending it back where it came from."

3.  Some lady that I've never met before told me last week that she's certain the baby is a boy "because of they way I'm carrying."  Ok, lady, #1, you still can't tell that I'm pregnant - and I'm sure of that because I scrutinize my body daily in a full length mirror.  #2 if you knew me at all, you would know that the little pooch on my lower abdomen existed for years before I ever got pregnat.

4.  And speaking of people I don't know, another lady approached me at the grocery store to tell me that I really didn't want to buy that bag of frozen peaches.  Instead, I would want the strawberry, papaya, mango mix, which was much cheaper.  Listen lady, if I want the frozen peaches, I'm going to buy the frozen peaches.  The Lentil needs them.  Now get out of my way.

5.  How long am I going to have to keep vomiting?  Really.  I am not a gracious vomiter.  I cry every, single time.  I thought that was a bad thing until yesterday morning when I realized that the tears prevent me from seeing what I've just upchucked in the toilet.  What a blessing!

6.  I'm also sick, sick, sick of thinking about eating.  What should I eat?  When should I eat? How should I eat?  Will this make me throw up?  Will it make my intestines feel like they're going to explode?  I'm to the point now where literally nothing sounds or looks good.  Meat is especially repulsive. If I could, I would subsist on smoothies and tomato juice.  Unfortunately, both of those are full of acid which really doesn't help with the vomiting situation.

7.  I missed church again yesterday...because of an unfortunate vomiting incident while I was getting ready.  Let's just say it involved having to re-shower and change clothes.  I cried and cried because I was so humiliated that I had no control over my body.  I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

8.  And as long as we're talking about crying, here are some things that made me cry this weekend:  1.  the aerial skiing competition.  If didn't matter if the girls landed their jumps or crashed, I cried.  2.  Forrest Gump.  I must have cried at least five times during the last 30 minutes.  Like when he found out that little Forrest was his son.  And when he put little Forrest on the school bus.  And when he called Jenny "My Jenny".  And when he's talking to Jenny at her grave.