Out With the Girls

Last night I went out to dinner with The Girls. 

I'm not going to name names, but at one point during the meal, one of The Girls admitted to having taped down her entire upper body with duct tape because she "likes to experience new things".  I heckled her and laughed so hard, I might have cackled.

Naturally, I didn't let her know that when in Japan, I was forced several times to "bind" my chest and gut down so as to look fetching in a kimono, yukata, or happi.  Good grief, it was beyond painful.  And I had to be naked with a Japanese woman who kept weighing my breasts in her hands and then slapping them and proclaiming, "Oh!  Berry good!"

My question is, why did she have to slap?  NOT NICE, Japanese lady.

The only thing about my experience that makes it better than hers (because I have to one up) is that the linen binding is a heck of a lot easier to remove than an entire roll of duct tape.

Anyway, I digress.

One of The Girls was late and therefore, placed her order later than the rest of us.  She kept looking anxiously toward the cash register saying that she wasn't sure the boy she'd ordered with had even put her order in.

I told her it was probably because the kid was still in training.

Then I found out that the boy had been there for at least two whole months and that he still can't figure out how to take an order or ring it up or put it in.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Holy crap.  That's TOTALLY me at my job. 

I know people walk in the door and think, "Man, that girl's been here for nearly five months and I wouldn't ask her a question if my life depended on it.  She has absolutely no clue what's going on."

And you know what?

They're totally right.  I'm easily the most worthless employee on the face of the planet.  I know nothing.  And the stuff I do know is useless.

My typical answer to anything asked of me is to raise my eyebrows and say, "I have no idea, but I can find out and get back to you."

I mean, don't get me wrong, I've learned a lot. 

Like how to pull up a spreadsheet just as someone important comes walking down the hall so they won't see the billions of Internet windows I've got going.

I also have a higher score than Husband on Jungle Jewels over to Facebook.

My life is so exciting.