Dear Makers of Stand 'n Stuff Taco Shells,
Where have you been all of my life? Thank you for making my favorite food to make even easier. I will never go back to regular taco shells. NEVER. Oh, and also, I think the little boy in your commercial is hysterical.
I Love You,
The Mother of the Lentil Who Only Wants Tacos
Dear Girl I Work With,
There's a reason I bring a certain number of snacks to work. It's because I'm pregnant and have constant nausea and I'm trying to control it by eating every two hours. When you come in and want me to share my snacks, that means not eating for four hours and that's just not acceptable.
Sorry I'm Going to Have to Start Being Stingy.
Erin
PS Please also stop talking about your sex life. It grosses me out. And, I know you are kind of socially inept, but so help me, if you rub my pregnant tummy or ask me if I plan to breast feed one more time, I might karate chop your head.
Dear Mission Companion Who Taught Me How to Peel Grapefruit,
I know I wasn't appreciative at the time you taught me but I'm very appreciative now. Me peeling grapefruit is the topic of much conversation in the office. I think they're just jealous they can't do it. Just so you know, whenever I eat grapefruit, my mind switches over and I think in Japanese. I might also talk out loud to myself in Japanese.
You're The Best,
Your American
Dear Boss Man,
I was offered the opportunity to be a Japanese interpreter right here in Beaumont next week. I was so excited, I almost peed my pants. Then I remembered that I have to come to work here. I was just wondering if you could fire me for next week and then hire me back in February without any lapse in insurance coverage.
That'd be Great,
One Who is Missing an Opportunity
Dear Husband,
Thank you for snuggling me and rubbing my back last night. Thank you for not talking while I cried because I'm so tired of being sick. Thank you for realizing that sometimes, I just need to cry. And thanks for still loving me anyway. Oh, and thank you for cooking for me. Even when I seem ungrateful.
Feeling Lucky to Have You,
Wife
Dear Texas,
I know I say mean things about you sometimes, but I can't help but love you today, January 22, 2010. Mostly because it's supposed to be 75 degrees with little to no humidity. Is there any way we could arrange for this to continue, you know, forever?
Temporarily Apologetic,
Erin's Hair
Dear The Lentil,
I need for you to understand that we have an ultrasound scheduled in a little less than five weeks. At that time, I need you to be prepared to be spread eagle so we can know immediately if you are a boy or a girl. This is because The Grandma Judy has told me at least forty-three times that she needs to know your sex as soon as possible so she can start on your baby blanket. Last Friday she wanted to know if there was any way we could find out before the big JCPenney sale ended. But you weren't ready.
Sorry to Pressure You,
The One Being Pressured
Dear Women Who Weren't Sick While Pregnant,
Don't talk to me. I'm sorry, but right now, I hate you and everything you represent. And especially don't talk to me if you're skinny and tall. Because than just makes me even more mad.
I Have to Go Throw Up Now,
STILL Feeling Crappy
6 comments:
Don't you share your snacks! You need to be a snack nazi!
Judy needs a blog.
1. Never heard of or tried the taco shells -- are they really that great?
2. Isn't there an unspoken rule about food in the workplace? (And talking about sex) Maybe you can invent a handbook of rules and post the food (and sex) rules at your desk.
3. Is there a special trick to peeling grapefruit? Please share!
4. Do you have sick leave?
5. You go, Nick!
6. Enjoy the day, there won't be more than a handful all year. :(
7. If they say it is a boy, there's usually pretty concrete...um...evidence and The Grandma can go buy blue stuff. If they say it is a girl, there's still a chance it could be a boy.
8. It is still hard for me to talk about pregnancies with women who never were sick, although it has gotten somewhat better over the past 17 years. I just figure they've got to have some other challenges in life that I won't have to go through -- at least that's what I tell myself.
Shelby - Yes, the taco shells are THAT good. I mean, they don't taste any different than any other taco shell, but the bottom is flat and wide so they stand up while you stuff them. And because they're so wide, all you have to do is drop the meat, cheese, etc., in instead of trying to shove it in there and therefore, causing your shell to break. If you're a taco girl, these are the shells for you.
Please teach me how to peel grapefruit!
Pretzels and ginger ale (Canada Dry). The only thing that got me through my pregnancies. And by the way, you have a great husband.
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