The Dreaded Doctor's Visit

I know I've said it before, but beside losing someone I love and failure, my greatest fear in this entire world is getting a pap smear. 

And snakes. 

But mostly the pap smear.

I don't know why I dread it so much, but it seriously freaks me out.

My doctor said this time, "Man, I've never in my entire medical practice had a patient as anxious as you."

And I said, "Well, yeah, you're touching me.  And I'm crying like a baby.  And I'm shaking.  And you tell me to take my time and relax but really what you mean is, HURRY UP, STUPID GIRL!"

Then I said, "You know, if you'd just give me like 1/2 of a roofie this would be a whole lot easier."

He told me to call him before my next annual and he would call me out some Xanex instead.

He said it would be worth it to him.

And not as illegal as slipping your patient a roofie.