But, that's where you have to go when you have bronchitis. And sinusitis. And double ear infection-itis.
All that, and now, this, too:
Apparently there's a baby growing in my uterus.
This is news to me.
I thought it was an energy-sucking alien life form that had entered my body through my right nostril while I was sleeping.
I wasn't going to tell anyone for a while yet - I'm not very far along. But as it turns out, everyone I've told so far has told someone else and I have to blurt it out before my thunder gets stolen completely (the good thing about all of this is that I've found out that I'm not The World's Worst Secret Keeper).
I've been feeling pretty good.
You know, like I mean pretty good although extremely surprised that my organs haven't voluntarily extricated themselves from my internal cavities due to the massive amount of vomit that has been expelled from my stomach and the feelings of fatigue so extreme you'd think I was a bear preparing for hibernation.
Oh, and the fact that my lovely lady lumps feel like they're constantly being held in vice grips.
You know, good like that.
Anyway, everything else had kind of taken a back seat as I work on my four newest hobbies:
1. Trying to appear perky and upbeat without revealing that I totally just ralphed in the office bathroom.
2. Attempting to not fall asleep at my desk. Or under my desk. Or in my car at lunch.
3.. Improving my ability to pee into a tiny cup. Who knew my aim was so bad? If I were the lab tech there's NO WAY I would want to handle the cup Erin Peters peed in.
4. Not freaking out. You know, like every 60 seconds when I realize, "HOLY CRAP, THERE'S A BABY IN MY UTERUS AND IT'S GOING TO HAVE TO COME OUT AND IT'S GOING TO HURT AND THEN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF A WOBBLY HEADED BABY AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO TAKE CARE OF BABIES AND WHAT IF IT'S HEAD FALLS OFF AND THEN I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO HUSBAND WHAT HAPPENED!?"
The good news is that I've been focusing my energy on good things as well, like picking out my maternity wardrobe:
Wouldn't I look simply smashing in this Kourtney Kardashian inspired pregnancy line? And speaking of Kourtney Kardashian and Kendra Wilkinson (former Hugh Hefner girlfriend) having babies this week, am I the ONLY one who's worried about the promulgation of stupidity that just took place with those births??
13 comments:
Thanks for getting pregnant and writing such a witty blog about it. Your blog makes me smile. Congratulations on the baby. Don't worry, no one knows what they're doing with babies. You better go get some maternity overalls.
Yay!! Congratulations!! Not to brag or anything, but I kind of consider myself somewhat a connoisseur on pregnancy-related vomit as it were, so if you need to talk about it, let me know. :) How far along are you, BTW??
WOOOOOOOOOW! Baby time! That is scary and exciting. Congrats! I think you should name it something like Yuki or Domo kun or, you know, something cool like that. When is this blessed little bundle of poop going to be birth-ed?
Yay! Congrats! And I actually prefer the lingerie that Kourtner wears in the ad for the show.
I'm so sorry you are sick! BUT CONGRATULATIONS on the baby!!!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
I just have one question: Where does the godparent line start? Mormons can totally have godparents!!
We are SO thrilled. Can't wait to meet the cute little red-headed baby. I officially declare this baby to have red hair! :)
And, the first trimester definitely sucks but the cool thing is that you've joined the ranks of mommy warriors who like to get together and tell their pregnancy horror stories. It's a pretty cool club... after, of course, the stories are so far in the distant past that you can't remember exactly how bad it is.
Did I mention that I'm thrilled?
Congratulations!!!! I like the Kourtney outfit...its dang sexy. And everyone knows that wearing high-heeled leather boots at 9 months is brilliant. Nothing like toppling over with style.
Congrats! So excited for ya. Don't worry, after you have the baby, you get over most of the painful "experiences" of actually having the kids. You look back and certain parts are a bit hazy... Yeah! Again Congrats!
Jill
Just wanted to say congrats...babies are tons of fun. Glad to find your blog, here is my wife's blog (since I feel my life isn't really worth documenting she does it for me).
-Stainchan
thecoterieblog.com
CONGRATULATIONS!!! I REALLY don't recommend wearing stilletos while you're pregnant....it makes you feel like you've been hit "down there" with baseball bat! I recommend my uniform of elastic waist pants, t-shirts, and flip flops. :)
Nothing says "i don't know who this baby's daddy is", like dressing trashy when you're pregnant. Congratulations on the baby. We can't wait to meet her (i know you expect it to be a girl, but please love him even if he is a boy.
We are so excited for you!!! I say go for the Kardashian look or I always enjoy the "Baby" shirts with an arrow...I had one by the way. Congrats!!
We have been traveling and so I haven't checked the old blog for a while, SO CONGRATS! You'll be a great mom! My Ava just turned 3, so that is fabulous she is 3 and still alive! Just set low standards like that and you will be a great mom!!
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