Full of Hot Air

1. I sit right by the door at work. And every time anyone comes in or out (approximately every 30 seconds), I get a blast of hot, hot, hot, humid air. My body's fine with that but my hair has a legitimate complaint. By the end of the day, all the little hairs around my face are frizzed out like the bride of Frankenstein.

2. And speaking of hair, I came to the disturbing conclusion today that I was better looking in Japan than I am in Texas. No, really. This is a bad thing because I was not attractive in Japan. Like not even a little bit. I really am at my most attractive in dry climates. The one good thing is that I'm pretty sure I smell better in Texas than I did in Japan thanks to readily available deodorant and toothpaste.

3. And as long as we're talking about smelling good, I'd just like to say that I've obviously selected the wrong deodorant with which to start my new fitness program. Because my deodorant plus my tendency to sweat excessively smells like permanent solution, which is better than some things, but still not so great.

4. I couldn't find my lotion this morning so instead opted to use some of my massage cream. I'd forgotten how oily it is when there's no one rubbing it in over a prolonged period of time. I'm all greased up - just like a pig. My legs are shinny and things - like dirt - are sticking to them. It's kind of like shake 'n bake....except not. The good news is, if there's an office wrestling competition, I will surely win thanks to the fact that no one can get a good grip on me.

5. I just remembered this morning why I'd quit purchasing corn flake-like cereal. Because you can't ever get it all out of the bowl. It sogs up and sinks to the bottom. And, since I am one of those people who does not, repeat, does not drink the milk at the end of the cereal, you end up wasting half your breakfast. Then, when you go to put it down the drain, it looks like someone threw up in there.

6. I think I've finally got my ducks in a row as far as taking the national massage certification exam. Turns out you have to apply to be accepted to take the test. Then you schedule the test. Then you take the test. If you pass you have to take another online test. And then you have to apply for a license. All this just to rub people? Come on.