Extra, Super Anxious

I'm feeling extra, super anxious. That's like a lot more anxiety than just regular, run-of-the-mill anxiety. Here's what's causing it:

1. That stupid massage test. I know. I've talked about it seventeen bazillion times. In fact, I think I'm doing more worrying than actual studying. Perhaps if I switched that around I'd feel better?

2. Money. Since starting this new job, the money for medical insurance now comes out of my check (even though we can't even use it until December 1st so we are also still paying for it at Husband's job as well). That means I make about $250 less/month than I used to. That's a lot of money when you make what I make. And, I also only get paid once a month. Before, I had all of my money nicely budgeted and even though there wasn't much at the end of the month, at least it covered all the bills I'm responsible for. That plus the fact that I have some time off at Christmas and want to buy a ticket home, I have to pay big money to take the massage test and licensing, and it's time for my yearly trip to the dentist and the doctor...all things I knew were coming but that I didn't build into my cash flow.

3. My job. I literally have no job responsibilities. Still. I sit at work all day long trying to look busy. I'm failing miserably. Having nothing to do makes me nervous. Especially when I know there's so much I could be doing - like studying or folding the piles and piles of clean clothes stacked in my laundry basket. It feels like a shame to waste so much time being useless. I've been through all the files at least four times, sorting and re-sorting. I've asked for more to do and keep getting promised that things are going to be turned over to me shortly. I keep wondering if this is really the job for me. And if, once I get licensed, I should try to make a go of the massage thing even though it would mean giving up a guaranteed paycheck, the a fore mentioned health insurance, and a job at the university, which I finally got after nearly three years of applying for every open position!

4. Exercise. Isn't it horrible that exercising stresses me out? Ok, so it's not the actual exercise that does it. It's feeling guilty because I didn't go. Or wondering if the exercise I'm doing is making a difference. And feeling bad that I've let myself get so out of shape and overweight that I can't do what I want to do - AKA - run on the treadmill...or anywhere else for that matter.

I just need to calm down.