Thursday, October 29, 2009

Dear Dad,

I have a new mandate.

From the dream center of my brain.

I'm no longer allowed to think or talk about you before bedtime.

Last night Husband and I were reviewing some of Paul's Greatest Hits.

They included when Husband asked if he could marry me and you said, "She's a little excitable.  Are you sure you want to deal with that for eternity?"

I know.  That's a classic.

I was thinking of other ones.

Like the time when mom and I were talking about tattoos and she asked you if you would consider getting her name tattooed on your arm.  You said, "Well, it's a little permanent, isn't it?"  You'd been married for over 40 years...

Or the time when you came down here and I was trying to serve you a breakfast burrito.  You looked at me and said, "Are you all out of bread?"  I said, "No, I have bread.  Would you rather have a sandwich than a burrito?"  You looked at me as if I was crazy to have even thought he would want something wrapped in a tortilla and said, "Well....YEAH!"

Anyway, we were talking about you right before we went to sleep...

And I dreamt.

I was in your bedroom at home.  Standing in front of the closet.  I was running my hands over all the shirts hanging there.  They smelled like you.  That nice, safe, Dad smell.  I rolled up in a ball on the floor and started to cry uncontrollably. 

It was heartbreaking. 

I kept telling myself to wakeup. 

Even in a dream it was too much to handle.

When I finally did, there were tear stains on my face and my pillow was soaked.

I'm missing you an extra lot today. 

This is the picture of you I have in my head:




Love,

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