You know when you go somewhere on the bus and you sit down and right next to you is that lady.
Yeah, that one.
The one with the random-inch-long black hair sticking out of her face.
And as a picker, it drives you NUTS.
Because why doesn't she pull that thing out?
I guess the real question is, can you, while still being totally nice, tell her you have a spare set of tweezers* in your purse and are willing to help her by yanking it out?
Of course, you generously tell her you'll show her the hair once you get it just so she knows you weren't kidding, it really is THAT long.
Well....
I found out just this weekend that I'm TOTALLY that lady.
I KNOW!
The Queen of All Pickers has the black hair.
Hairs, actually.
In fact, I very nearly have a full beard.
I had no idea. I mean, I always knew I had a few but prided myself in keeping them well under control.
I blame it on the fact that I have no real light in my house.
Mom, on the other hand, has her picking station set up at all times - a magnifying mirror and accompanying tweezers in the lightest window in the house.
I sat down and after only .3 seconds of study found one...two....three...four....five....six...
Oh, crap.
Seven....eight....nine...
What comes after nine?
Seriously.
After nine it's called 5 o'clock shadow.
I mean, that's enough hairs to warrant the purchase of an electric razor.
I'm now scared to death I'm going to somehow end up in a coma and everyone will find out how hairy I really am.
That's a fear I've never had until now.
If it happens that I get hit by a truck** I am counting on all my true friends coming to the hospital daily to tweeze me up.
You think I'm kidding but I'm not.
*Yes, I actually do carry an extra set of tweezers in my purse.
**If I get hit by a truck you'll be happy to know I'll at least be wearing clean underwear. Mom brought us up right.
3 comments:
Erin, I call them stray eyebrows. It will help you to cope with this if you do so as well.
Also, if you end up in a coma you will encounter one of two nurses:
The kind that shaves you compassionately.
The kind that politely ignores it and pretends it doesn't exist.
If you end up in a coma, I'll send Lindsay over and have her give you a good waxing. That's just what stalker bff's do for each other.
There are three kinds of women in this world. The kind that carefully tweeze all those black hairs and admit it, the kind that tweeze it and deny it, and the kind that just leave it to wave in the wind. It's just a fact of life. If you really want to appear hairless, you must get 1 million watt lightbulbs in your bathroom and take care of it...no matter what the cost!
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