I figure that one day I am going to be running for political office. Perhaps for Sheriff or something like that. I thought I should let people know what I stand for in advance of my campaign announcement:
1. I am firmly anti-mustache. People who have them look like child molesters. Even Brad Pitt doesn't look good be-stached...what makes anyone else think they will?
2. I am firmly anti-too-much-information during any church meeting. There are appropriate times to tell people your problems or past transgressions. Sacrament Meeting is not one of those. I know, I know, I lack any kind of charity.
3. I am firmly anti-dark chocolate. It leaves an after taste in your mouth that can only be likened to licking your own foot.
4. Come to think of it, I am also firmly anti-chocolate covered fruit or chocolate that is combined with a fruit taste. Why can't we just have some raspberries and then have some chocolate. Why do they have to be together?
5. I am firmly anti-naming-children-weird-names-or-spelling-normal-names-funny. Don't you think kids have enough problems without having other kids make fun of their names or having to spell their name out loud everytime they introduce themselves?
6. I am firmly anti-stupid. I mean, REALLY anti-stupid.
7. I am firmly anti-bad breath. I have a really hard time talking to anyone who has bad breath without cringing or turning my head. I'm working on it but I can't seem to get over it.
8. I am firmly anti-anyone-who-is-peppier-than-me. People like that scare me.
9. I am firmly anti-fancy car. I get the urge to remind people who drive them that should they get into an accident, they would more than likely be dead on impact because their fancy cars are made out of fiberglass and Scotch tape.
10. I am firmly anti-big earrings. People who wear big earrings need to be more careful than they are. This is because their large earrings could be sucked into any nearby helicopter blade, jet engine, or lawnmower.
7 comments:
I wear big earrings! Hello how else will I demonstrate my inner gypsy?
Also I quite enjoy too much information during open mike sunday. It is my favorite. Yesterday we had a guy who had been in prison for doing a DUI and killed his wife. He is hoping to be rebaptized so they can be sealed. Priceless.
You are right on about the mustaches.
How about the mustache + full beard? I'm usually anti ANY facial hair - but some guys around here grow a beard in the winter - and I can't blame them - it's COLD in them thar hills! Mustache only is clearly creepy - even if it is Mustache May (which has kind of died out since the instigators all have wives that HATE it).
I might think about wearing some big earrings if I didn't think my kids would rip them out. I don't think I've even taken my current earrings out of my ear for at least a year. I only own like 3 or 4 pair. I'm sending you some big earrings for your birthday. Maybe you'll embrace them.
Your cousin is dating a man who named his boys, at least, after guns. He also wears full cammo - and is from Tooelle. He'll fit right in.
That's all - except I hate dark chocolate too.
PS - what a horrible thing to hear in sacrament meeting melissa!
we didn't have any confessions - except poor lou lou (age 5) had a seizure right during tyler's testimony. we hope she's ok.
Good grief, MK, that's serious. I've never heard anything like that in sacrament meeting - ours was a family that's going to be losing their house because they can't pay the bills and then a prolonged medical history. The every-week-testimony-guy did refrain from talking about his past transgressions, which I appreciated.
I might also wear big earrings but when I'm on the phone all day, I can't figure out how to wear them without them pressing against the side of my head, causing extreme pain.
Oh you too are so nice and good. I thought it was entertaining. Maybe you had to be there and you would have thought it was as funny as I did. Maybe I am just mean. Who knows.
Do you remember the girl who used to bear her testimony EVERY month in my singles ward? Ostergard I think was her name. We suspected she just wanted to be seen.
I don't remember any girl who used to bear her testimony every week - seriously, all of the wards run together. Although, I wouldn't doubt that such a girl existed. I mean, how else are you supposed to get the guys to notice you unless you demonstrate your outstanding testimony monthly. WAIT...was that Ostergard girl the one who used to sing with the Tablernacle Choir?? Because I remember that she used to have weird testimony meeting moments...
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