I am scared to death of going to the doctor. As in TER-RI-FIED. I have no idea why being that I have never actually had a really bad experience. I think it's mostly because I DON'T WANT THEM TO TOUCH ME. EVER.
Yesterday was no exception. I had to go for my yearly girl check-up, which in and of itself is one of the most humiliating practices of my entire life.
I've never had a panic attack so I don't really know exactly what they feel like, but I'm pretty sure that whatever I had in that office was close if not the real McCoy. By the time they took my blood pressure, it was 170/86. I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.
I changed into my gown and literally before five minutes had passed, I had sweated all the way through the back. He got me up on the table where I proceeded to hyperventilate. I closed my eyes and kept repeating to myself, "Erin, you are overreacting. You need to calm down."
I couldn't. I started to cry. No, sob. I felt like my spleen was going to detach and come out my nose.
The doctor, of course, didn't notice because he was too busy examining my nether-regions while also relating the story of how his father started talking to him about the birds-and-the-bees including pictures of stage III syphilis when he was six-years-old. Awesome.
I had to fight with everything I had not to bolt. I continued to try to talk myself down, but that ended abruptly when he told me that I should seriously consider Weight Watchers. Yes, doctor, I know I need to lose some weight, but can't you wait to tell me that until next time? Or at least until I have my clothes on?
Can't you see that right now I'm picturing myself being pregnant and having to do this every few weeks and that I am freaking out even more thinking that I will never be able to have children unless I ingest a high dose of Xanex before every visit??
Sigh. It was horrible. I have no idea why I can't just be normal...and handle normal, everyday things like a normal, everyday person.
1 comment:
seriously erin - they don't do that kind of exam EVERY time you go to the doctor when you're pregnant. they probably will do it the first time, then not again until the very end. and believe me, after you've had a baby, you won't even care. then, you have to worry about your toddler getting scarred for life because they were in the room when you had one of those done, and your were trying everything you could do to distract him - but how much can you do when you're on your back with your legs in the air???
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