Dear Patients of The Doctor,
Please keep the following things in mind during your visit with us today:
--If you don't sign in, there is no way we will know you are here. Our ESP doesn't reach to the waiting room.
--We abide by the 11th commandment here: If thou stealeth a bible out of our waiting room, thou shalt go straight to hell.
--We don't know why The Doctor orders lab on you EVERY TIME you come in. Asking us about it will generally illicit a blank look.
--99.8% of the patients in the waiting room do not want to partake of nor participate in a debate about religion or politics. Keep it to yourself.
--When we ask for your co-pay, co-insurance, or deductible, please keep in mind that we are attempting to keep both you and The Doctor from committing fraud - you signed a contract to pay up and The Doctor signed a contract to collect it.
--Believe us, it sucks just as bad for us when The Doctor orders lab on you at 6:30 pm and wants you to wait for an hour in the office for the results. That means we're waiting to go home, too.
--Please, no vampire jokes when going to the lab. We hear them all day everyday. They are not now, nor have they ever been funny.
--The ONLY person in the office that needs to hear about your actual or supposed medical problems/conditions is The Doctor.
--We are not allowed to give lab results to anyone at anytime. PERIOD. That's The Doctor's policy. So don't ask.
--We have no control over how The Doctor manages his time and patient load. We wish we did. But we don't.
--It is not too hot or too cold in the office or waiting room. It is always just right. Hear me? You are getting very sleepy...always the perfect temperature at The Doctor's office...
--Please ask which employee is in charge of the topic you wish to discuss (referrals, prescriptions, appointments, etc.) before launching into any prolonged story. If it doesn't pertain to us, we stop listening after eight words.
--Getting angry at us will just make us mean and vindictive. Really. Push us if you must, but it will get you no where. Consider this your warning.
If we all work together, we can make everyone's day more pleasant (mostly Erin's).
Thank you,
.
The Management
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3 comments:
You are too funny. I was a receptionist/aide at a Physical Therapy office once. Your post always bring back memories I have tried to suppress over the years...they always creep back out. It was a small office and I had no one to vent to, so by the time Friday rolled around I was not nice to anyone anymore!!
She's not kidding, Erin. I made the mistake of calling her once on a Thursday and I got an earful. I knew all the people she was venting about because I used to work there. Crazy reminds me a lot of somebody we knew...
Speaking of Crazy and physical therapy, guess who's now going to PT? Yup, you guessed it!
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