My friend, Holli writes a spiritual thought on her blog nearly every Sunday. It is always very very insightful and extremely well written. And, it confuses me. She has these spiritual experiences in the same meetings I go to. However, I can't remember the last time I felt spiritually fed or satisfied at church the way she seems to be.
This is not something I would usually write about on my blog - it seems kind of personal, but I'm desperate for some sort of intervention.
A lot of it stems from my calling - I still teach the 14-15 year-old Sunday School class. I spend an hour before church with a sick stomach, an hour in Sacrament Meeting dreading the class, an hour in the class being constantly disappointed and frustrated, and the hour after class wondering how on earth I'm going to make it better the next week. Then, I go home, and Husband has to hear all about it.
It makes me wonder why I go to church at all. I'm not helping anyone by being there - in fact, I'm more of a hindrance than anything else.
Don't get me wrong, these kids aren't bad kids. There are just three or four of them who literally can't keep their mouths shut. They don't whisper to each other - that I could handle. They talk out loud just to talk. Along with that, they all have cell phones, some kids bring the left over sacrament bread to class, and one kid even insists on having a laser pointer.
I've always thought that I was very good with kids this age - I've taught this class several times before and taught this age in Japan for two years everyday and LOVED it. I've tried literally EVERYTHING I know how to get them to stop talking. I've prayed and prayed about what to do beyond that and haven't had any success.
By the time they all get into the class, we only have about 30-minutes for a lesson. THIRTY MINUTES. I'm not asking for an hour or even 45-minutes. At one point, I tried to make a deal for TEN MINUTES. They couldn't do that either.
The only way they will be quiet is if I get angry or tell them how disappointed I am - two emotions that really don't (and shouldn't) go with church.
I guess the real question is, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I feel like I'm failing miserably - I haven't gotten through a lesson in nine months, let alone been any sort of help to any of these kids. The good kids are losing out because of the talky-talky ones.
Not feeling the spirit at church affects my willingness to go or participate. I used to love church. I never missed. Now it's like a chore.
7 comments:
What if you honestly, but kindly, told the kids how their behavior really made you feel. They'd probably feel horrible and they'd repent real fast. If my teacher ever told me that my behavior in class made her (or him) feel that way, I'd feel so guilty that I'd never misbehave in class again. Of course, I would also feel so embarrassed if my cell phone ever went off in class that I'd be dead certain that I'd never have it on in class again, so maybe I'm not the best measuring stick. I'd give it a try, though.
Erin. Thanks for the compliment! Although, I haven't written a spirtual thought (or been spiritual, period) in awhile... I'll get on that next week.
So, here are my tips. After all, I teach the same girls in yw after you. I would bring a basket to church and label it the cell phone basket. When they come in, they must place their cell phones in the basket and anything else distracting for that matter. This is a particularly unobserving, high distractable group of kids - they won't pick up on subtle clues of frustration. So, when they come in, say it out right - just tell em', "Sit down, shut up, and lets get started. I've got thirty minutes to teach you numbskulls something you don't know." With the right inflection, they'll probably laugh but get the message.
But, I do feel your pain. When serving with the youth, there's always this fine line of wanting to be well-liked - yet wanting to get the message through.
Oh, and in my former calling (which was the same as yours), I have even sent kids out of the classroom. Don't be afraid to straighten them out, sista!
Hmmmmmmm, sounds EXACTLY like my former (THANKFULLY!!!) 14-15 year old Sunday School class. What is with these kids?! If you ask me, the parents are the ones that need to teach respect to their kids. I also had to extract cell phones from my students. I think you just gotta be tough with them so they get the message and don't take any crap! Go Erin!
Andy
Yeah - I'd take the cell phones. I've never done this with my young women, but in primary, they had to start inviting a particular person's father in periodically. I'm not sure if he respects his father more, or fears him....but it worked. Tyler said he taught that class in his parent's ward. He just kept the kid's mouths full of brownies...that's the only way he could keep them quiet. I personally wouldn't waste my brownies on that.
Hi Erin,
Yeah, I agree with your friends when they say confiscate the cell phones (and the laser pointer!). I know what you mean by feeling that going to church is a chore. I'm the same way and I often question my motivations for going. I would also recommend being mean and once the kids start respecting you, you can start to become nicer. I use that tactic when I'm subbing. Start off mean, but lighten up during the day.
I don't really have any advice for your teaching situation. I have always been afraid of teenagers, and would hate to teach them. I think if anyone has the personality to deal with them, however, it would be you. And as for not getting anything out of your church meetings, or even wanting to be there...I think those feelings are pretty normal when you are in certain situations. I've had plenty of those phases in my life, especially when my kids are in certain stages. Sometimes I am left wondering why I am even there. Good luck with your class and keep us posted.
Hey Erin,
Two things based on 2 years of torture teaching at a career college in Denver:
1. forget about those nasty little brats and make it fun for you. Right now the only pleasure they glean from sitting in your class is via torturing you. THink about how awful it is to have a teacher who is miserable. So forget your curriculum, forget the rules and just make it fun. THe "lessons" will follow.
2, ABout getting tough: that will follow, too. However, anger will backfire. Unfortunatley learning to be assertive usually happens the hard way--through being tortured. Being assertive isn't personal and it isn't angry. It's just knowing what you want and then being a stone wall: quiet but inwardly knowing that NOTHING will move you.
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