Renege

First thing this morning I marched into the doctor's office to remind the doctor about my 50 cent pay raise that came due as of 2pm yesterday afternoon. He readily agreed to up my salary starting with my next check.

Twenty minutes later, he called me into this office to renege on his offer. He informed me that my pay raise would take effect only after further training in billing by his wife (the office manager) and also after I had actually started doing the billing job. His wife said that she "didn't want to give up the billing" and that I "would probably mess everything up."

Excuse me?? Billing is basically data entry. All you have to do is find what number goes with what and input them into the computer. What kind of an idiot do you think I am that I would mess it up? And even if I did mess up once or twice, isn't that the price you pay to learn to do something?

I almost started to cry in disappointment and disbelief. I've been counting on getting this pay raise for nearly two months. If they were never going to train me, why on earth did they put on such a show sending me to that stupid coding class??

I guess now at least I know what my employers actually think about me - that I am incompetent and lack the basic ability to learn anything new (it also came up later in the afternoon that there are several staff memebers who have been talking behind my back [and probably everyone else's, too] about how I don't deserve a raise anyway because I "don't do shit and don' t know shit". Great. Just what I need right now). I'm so upset that I don't know what to do with myself.

It's not like I can just tell them to go to hell and walk out because I need the little money I am making and I can't seem to get anyone in this entire town to even look at my resume. It makes me feel like everything I've done up until now is a waste - college, working, mission, living in another country, trying to be a good, honest person... FOR WHAT??